I have been hit, not by a squall, but by the common winter cold I have somehow avoided the last few years. You know the one—the aggravating stuffy head, runny nose, and cough—enough to keep you up at night but not enough to lay you out for a long sleep. So here I am at 4 a.m., hopped up on medicine and hot tea, throwing nonsensical verbiage your way… Let’s go with it and see where we end up!
What to do when the captain is down…
Thirty-five years ago, my in-laws, seasoned cruisers, were on their trans-Atlantic circumnavigation trip. It started in Newport, RI, and took them, over 15 months, to many exciting ports throughout the Azores, the Western Med, and several Atlantic islands. They were both in their mid-50s and in excellent health. They packed up their 32-ft sailboat and set off on an adventure. Both knowledgeable sailors, we had little concern about this voyage. We knew the captain was meticulous in his planning and had a strong command of the boat.
This was before cellular communication was available, so there was no tracking or checking in. That’s why, when we got a call from his friend—who had been his safety contact via single sideband radio—that he was having a medical event, we felt shaken. He had developed atrial fibrillation, which was brought under control within a week after reaching the Cape Verdes. At the time, he had to stay flat on his back until they could get the boat into the nearest harbor for evaluation. This left my mother-in-law at the helm for 72 hours as they made the trip from the Canaries to the Verdes. It was certainly scary for all, but she did an amazing job getting them there safely.
Here’s the thing… when you are used to being in control of all the moving pieces in your life, stepping to the sidelines and letting someone else take the lead can be hard. Why? There are many reasons for this. If you tend to lean toward the Type A spectrum, such as myself, you may feel that another person will not understand the small details you see as imperative to success. It’s not that it won’t be done well; it’s that you envision a process they may not. Take loading the dishwasher, for example. I can pack that baby to perfection. My family, on the other hand, just sees a spot and shoves something in it. In the end, everything gets clean, but there may be some empty space not utilized.
The other hard part about giving up the helm is that asking for and needing help does not come naturally to us. Admit it—you probably dread picking up the phone when you need a helping hand. You would rather be the one receiving the call. But there is a blessing in the act. It allows others to care for you. It gives them that same feeling of a full heart that you get when you put someone else’s needs before your own. It makes it a reciprocal friendship.
So, when you need to, take your hand off the wheel and let another take the lead in the voyage, even if it’s just for a short passage while you rest. There are many more miles for you to travel in life, and you don’t have to do it alone.
Now, I will turn off this device, close my eyes, and have sweet NyQuil-infused dreams of warm weather and gentle breezes. Stay healthy, my friends!